By Kerri King:
As a child born into a two parent home, I of course thought this to be the normal. Our home had a mother, a father, a son, and three daughters. As time would pass and the relationship began to dismantle, I noticed all of the variety of homes that I would come to witness. Some of my friends lived in a home with several generations of family members. Some of my friends had only single mothers and grandmothers under one roof.
My parents divorced, and for a very short while my mother attempted the single mother routine. She managed this for a while, however at this point most of us were very self-sufficient and really just became little helpers to her cause – herself.
She would remarry to an individual whom also was a parent in which case they were unsuccessful at blending their families.
Now a mother myself. I initially began raising my first born with her father until the age of three at which time it was revealed that he had fathered a child prior to our relationship (yes he had been lying for 3+ years about his own child). Once I learned that truth we immediately split. In turn, I was instantly a single mother. For seven years I would raise her alone, until finally I met someone. He and I now share the responsibility of raising our now three year old son. But it’s not a happily ever after yet.
So, you truly want to know the difference between being raised with one parent vs. two parents: NONE.
You could have two parents in the home, but both parents have to understand that having a child is bigger than oneself. It is the biggest sacrifice in the world. It is solely dependent on the level of understanding, dedication, and unconditional love put forth by an individual that will determine the outcome of the child. In addition, the cycles of family history may have to be changed. You as the individual have to determine what of your family history you may have to avoid doing (actions, reactions, attitudes and behaviors) so that you can break the cycle. Having a child means putting this person before all of your wants and desires. How unfortunate for the child that are born out of spite or born for the thought of making money.
I give no recommendations on how to raise anyone else’s child; no two people are alike, therefore there can be no manual or guide to parenting. I will say this: This is your child; no one else’s. It is best to be extremely honest with your children – ALL THE TIME. Educate yourself, and then educate your children at the pace in which you deem. You are the parent. Do not overcompensate; don’t undercompensate. Children require unconditional love and all the attention they require. They didn’t ask to be here.
You brought this child in to this world.